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Seohyun’s Musical + meeting Taeyeon and Yoona

So I finally got a chance to go Seohyun’s musical! Much thanks to Zenn @yeowoogata because she accompanied me to attend the musical although Seohyun doesn’t matter to her :’)

I was super hyped for it and took plenty of pics but couldn’t upload that day because of 3G problem.

 

The musical was amazing! i have to admit at some parts i got really sleepy because I couldn’t understand all these king language, but the part i understood was so cute. It’s too easy to ship the actor playing the king and seohyun because of how convincing they were – Seohyun fit the shy girl part soooo well! ❤ I was impressed at the chemistry and how they designed the love story to be so adorable! I’m also amused by the audience reaction. Like the part where he drew her in by her waist and held her close and the audience gasped. And the part where he tricked her and kissed her on the lips and the audience gasped. And the part where she was reaching out to him when he’s sleeping and suddenly he grabbed her and turned her over and PINNED HER DOWN ON THE BED and the audience screamed. All SONEs I’m sure. OTL.

Proud of Seohyun :’) her parents came too, during the break people were introducing themselves to this elderly couple, one by one, so I assumed so and I think i’m right judging by twitter. Too bad I had no 3G to confirm it and so did not walk up to them. Cuz i could be wrong and that would be embarrassing.

And then… as we were leaving the place, Zenn was asking me if I wanted to stick around the area that led to the backstage. as we stepped aside to think about it, suddenly this manager looking person looked around frantically and a security guard shouted and before i knew it I WAS LOOKING AT YOONA ABOUT 30CM AWAY FROM ME SMILING SHEEPISHLY. Everyone collectively gasped and started shouting her name. I can’t remember if i saw Yoona first or heard her name first EVERYTHING IS FUZZY IN MY MIND BECAUSE I WAS JUST SO SHOCKED OK ALJKGHAD

What I DO remember though is, as I was standing there speechless and just staring at Yoona’s flawlessness, suddenly as I dropped my gaze (yes, dropped, because she was tiny and i didn’t see her at all at first)  I WAS GAZING AT THE SIDE VIEW OF KIM TAEYEON AS SHE WHISKED PAST ME SO CLOSE I COULD REACH OUT AND TOUCH HER FLAWLESS SHINING SOFTLY CURLED HAIR

THERE WAS NOTHING BETWEEN ME AND HER CUZ EVERYONE WAS STILL POSITIVELY REELING FROM THE SHOCK AND NO ONE TRIED TO GET TOO CLOSE

I remember mumbling ‘Taeyeon..?’ very automatically as she passed me, pretty sure she could hear me. I was so confused because nobody was shouting for Taeyeon, I thought i was wrong. yet i know i had to be right because cmon i’ve been on Tumblr long enough staring at her side view profile and admiring her skin and jawline enough times to know it’s her when i see them. YET everyone was still calling ONLY Yoona, i think most were busy taking pictures. Next thing I know I was turning to Zenn and exclaiming “It’s Yoona and Taeyeon!!!” and we ran to catch their back views.

At this point Taeyeon had ninja’ed away from Yoona’s side to walk on the right, and the fans were flocking towards Yoona. She went pretty much unnoticed besides this one stupid fan who rushed in front of her to catch a look at her face, which was annoying because obviously she didn’t want to be recognized judging by how she kept her face down and hurried away from Yoona and the managers and stuff, rushing to the carpark. Basic respect dude, basic respect. That’s why I stayed behind to gaze longingly T___T i was actually staring at Taeyeon’s back and thinking she can’t possibly be a coordi unnie or anything, who dresses this well and has this height and THAT side profile?! /confused

Sighpie.

We camped outside some area outside Seoul Arts Center afterwards for wifi because I had to get my feels out at that exact moment.

Okay this is my first spazz post on this blog sorry not sorry algjhalkjdghaljkdg

Okay. Ciao for now. I hope I will get the opportunity to write mor of these spazz posts  /cross fingrs

Taeyeon on Instagram: the big deal

Sometimes I also wonder why we’re all so excited? Idols transition into social media, fans get excited, then they get used to it. It becomes normal and it’s not like we’ll get to actually talk to them right?

But I guess one of the reasons why we’re all so excited is simply because we feel closer. It feels like Taeyeon is just that close distance away, when I see her update ‘4 minutes ago’ i get this rush of exhilaration like she is very very close by. Even though we all know she’s still far because it’s likely she’d never see us or talk to us, the fact that she’s on the same place as all of us makes it special already.

It’s been 6 years. A few years since Jessica tried and failed. Since then, it’s been nearly impossible for us to have such direct form of social media contact with SNSD, and especially for international fans, we feel so lost every time SNSD is not promoting. We are just missing them every day and wondering what they are doing. For six years it’s been like this. So after six years when this happens, of course it’s a big deal.

Above anything else, it’s her sincerity. This is what touches me the most, seeing Taeyeon take that step after six years and wanting to get closer to us. It’s not us taking the initiative. It’s her. And that means so much to me. It reminds us that no matter how busy the girls are, they are constantly thinking of us and how to get closer to us. And sometimes we lament because we say they will never know our feelings, but I think they do, much more than we think. It’s just the huge barrier between idol and fan that’s preventing us from understanding how much exactly they understand. And now, this is Taeyeon breaking down the barrier. 

I can’t quite put it in words, but it’s just the feeling i get that SNSD loves us on a more serious and personal level now. I think it’s something that comes with time. When you’re a rookie group, you’re still gaining fans and you’ve still got a long way to go. Things will change along the way and you don’t know who will stay, you’re just grateful for whoever that will love you. But for a group like SNSD, it’s been 6 years, and there are fans who’ve been around long enough. We’ve all grown together as fans just as SNSD has grown into beautiful women. And I think we all know the time that we have left is limited. Like SNSD themselves had said, in the past they were trying hard to keep a good image and make people love them. Now all they want to do is to have fun and cherish what they have us. What they have is us. I’m not sure if you understand, but this is what I mean when I say it feels like SNSD is taking us a lot more seriously, on a lot more personal level. They want to cherish what they have with us. Taeyeon creating Instagram and updating so often is a huge step in this direction. To establish a personal connection with SONE.

Every photo update on Instagram is more than just a photo. It’s the thought and sincerity behind it. The knowledge that SONE are the reason.

태연한테 하고 싶은 말이 The words I want to say to Taeyeon

cr: usnthem.dothome.co.kr

There’s so much about you we’ll never understand, so much about who you truly are, your personal life, your dreams and passions, the things you’ve gone through… so much we’ll never understand. A lot of people would kill to be in your position, as the leader of the nation’s girl group, but sometimes I look at you and it looks like you’d give all of that up in an instant – for a normal life.

As fans we are a little selfish because we think of you as ours. We think of SNSD as ours. I wonder how bittersweet it really feels for you and the girls, to feel like you don’t even belong to yourself, because you belong to the nation. It isn’t hard to feel so loved by the thousands of fans, yet feel so lonely. I sometimes feel like the more we express our love to you, the lonelier you get. There is a line we can never seem to cross, the line between a fan and a friend.

The older you girls get, the older SONEs get, the more we realize this problem. That the love we shower on you is distancing you from the kind of love that you desire. The more we love you, the more you become ours, the more you become the nation’s. And we are protective of what is ours. We only want you to be with us, and we refuse to think about the day you no longer will be.

But there will eventually come a day that every SONE’s love will mature. Every SONE will understand. That the one and only most important thing to us, should and always be, SNSD’s happiness.

These are two things I most want to say to Taeyeon.

1. I wish for you to be happy.
2. And that you may find the courage and the chance to be happy.

Kim Taeyeon: The imperfection

cr: tangpa

Kim Taeyeon.

The person who started this exhilarating and humbling journey of mine. The person who lent me strength, inspiration, and the person I will always look up to.

SNSD’s Kim Taeyeon. SNSD’s leader. The girl with the most amazing voice that anyone, even non kpop fans, will know. Because she’s just that amazing.

There’s so much to say about this girl, I’m overwhelmed. I could write about anything, I could write about how her voice puts me at ease, how looking at her makes me smile, how she is so lovely and lovable and she has this really weird dorky personality that no one can ever dislike. There are many things keeping me Taeyeon at the top of my bias list. But today, I want to say something else. I want to talk about the Taeyeon that inspired me. 

Anyone who is a fan of a KPOP group would know that their idols did not have it easy to get here. We all know, but how much do we understand? How many people could be so sure of what they want, when they were 15? Only to have people disapprove and tell them otherwise? And then picking up the courage to chase after the dream, that seemed so childish in the eyes of others? How many people can live through what only adults should go through, the harsh reality of the world, as young teenagers? 

I look up to Taeyeon because she is not perfect. More often than not we talk about our idols’ past hardships and we celebrate how determined they are, how they perfectly represent a hard worker. But Taeyeon is not perfect. She is a girl who once decided to run away from SM, back home, on the verge of giving up. Taeyeon is a girl who knew what it felt like to be on the verge of giving up completely, but turning back to continue fighting for it. People may call her a coward. But to me, she is human.

And then we have a lot of people criticizing her because of her next flaw. Wanting to step down as SNSD’s leader. Let’s face it, if we were not biased towards her, we would also have the same thought that it’s a cowardly thing to do. Maybe it is. I’m not going to defend her decisions, whether it’s right or wrong. Instead, I’m inviting you to look at the way SNSD is right now. The group that they are now, so united, so easy with each other, the dorky group that passes the mic around not so discreetly in hopes that others will take the speech, but also the group with every member saying exactly the right words when they have to take the speech… the group that is so close you see them as a family. The SNSD we see now is an SNSD without a distinct ‘leader’, every member regarded equally, and I’m sure we wouldn’t have it any other way.

But does SNSD really have no leader as their group dynamics suggest? Think again. Remember that one radio show in which a psychologist grouped all the girls together? He put Taeyeon alone. It’s true what he said, because Taeyeon is the center of the group and she is the person holding them together. But for all that’s worth, she stands alone. That is the kind of leadership she chose, possibly the hardest one. The role of the protector. She doesn’t actively lead. Instead, she chose to stay quiet and passive all the time whether it’s during variety shows, music shows and the likes… so that her other members may shine. Seeing her go solo on so many events, I think we all know that she has the capability to carry a show and capture everyone’s attention. Heck, she has the ability to stand in the background all quiet but still emit that influence, that presence, that draws us to her. She knows this too, that is why she chooses to fade away when the other members are around, because she wants them to shine. This is the leader that SNSD needs, and the kind of leader that led SNSD to where they are right now. It’s a leader that is selfless, a leader that puts everyone else before herself. It’s hard, yet she refuses to show it. When the girls cry they huddle together, but Taeyeon steps away from the crowd and hides her own tears. As much as she is dependent on the girls, she is also independent because she needs the strength to keep the group together. The rest are allowed to cry, but she isn’t, because she is supposed to hold them together. This is the responsibility she took on for herself.

Taeyeon is not perfect. Her personality and tendency to withdraw makes me so frustrated. She does a lot of things I wish she wouldn’t do. I don’t blindly stan her. But I’m a fan right, so what can I do? I don’t have any power to do anything.

That’s why we have the eight girls to complete her. There is no tribute I can make about any member that does not include all nine girls. They always pull Taeyeon in. Although she wants to stand in her own circle, they always invade it, and they always pull her in. Everytime I see SNSD forming a circle closing around Taeyeon, it moves me so much. Because to me, that is SNSD refusing to let Taeyeon drift away. That is SNSD letting Taeyeon know she’s not alone. And we all know that this girl, Taeyeon, often lets herself get too lonely or too sad and refuses to open up to everyone. This is SNSD understanding their leader without a single word spoken. This is SNSD pulling Taeyeon into the centre and closing in around her. This is SNSD telling Taeyeon, “Let us in.” 

“Stop being sad. Come to me. I will sing happy songs and be cute.” – Sunny to Taeyeon

I’ve said so much, what am I trying to say exactly? I guess this is me trying to explain exactly why Taeyeon is my bias. In the idol industry, people expect the idols to justify why they are loved so much. They need to be perfect, role models, flawless. Because people are supposed to idolize them for all the perfection. That’s why they’re called idols.

And Taeyeon is not that kind of perfection. She isn’t a typical leader, she shows her unhappiness and criticizes Mubank in public, she is quiet on variety shows. She speaks her mind freely and often gets hate because of it. But the heck? This is who she is, this is Taeyeon who remains true to herself despite the fame. Most importantly, she remains true not only to herself, but to the people she loves. Her members. Her family. Us. SONEs.

Why do I love Taeyeon? Because she loves us first. Why do I look up to Taeyeon as an inspiration? Because her imperfection reminds me of myself, of all of us, simply a young girl with a big dream and living it.

She is imperfect. She’s my inspiration.